the bathroom floor

bathroom floor.jpg

Across this beautiful twisted life,
you may find yourself on the bathroom floor.
Maybe once, when you are twenty and heartbroken,
Maybe again at thirty, after the loss of someone you love.
Maybe it’s after spending years in a life
and then one day waking up
knowing you want more.

You will find yourself on the bathroom floor,
wherever that bathroom floor is.
Maybe it’s in you bed,
when getting up seems impossible.
Maybe it’s in the dressing room,
when voices of self-loathing are too loud.
Maybe it’s when you’re in your sister’s arms
and you finally feel safe enough to cry.

You will find yourself on the bathroom floor at some point
maybe multiple times
across your wild
and love-filled life.

People generally don’t like to talk about the bathroom floor moments. We like to skip right over them and hear about the RISING part. About how you overcame the pain and heartbreak, how you pushed through, or how you learned to let go. We like to hear the story after it’s all tied up in a pretty little package, a glamorous bow of wisdom on top. No one likes to talk about what it’s actually like on that floor. Because it’s not pretty. We are snotty and our cheeks tear stricken. Our hearts are busted open, but somehow we’re still breathing.

Know that being on the bathroom floor is not a sign of failure. Oh, hell no. It is a sign of living big. Of taking risks. Of loving hard.

While we are down on that floor, trying to figure out what the next right thing is, we ask people we love to please come down there with us. This can feel scary at first, to tell those you love that you are feeling broken. But do it anyway. Tell them to please come and hold your hand. Rub your back. Ask them not to try to fix anything or give you a solution, but instead, just come down on the floor. Just be.

On the bathroom floor, take as best care of yourself as you can. Do the simple things. Call people you love. Take a shower. Drink plenty of water. Try to get out in the sun for at least a few minutes everyday. When friends want to make plans, try your hardest to say yes. Even though being around people may feel hard, it’s good for your spirit.

Drink water
talk to friends
take a shower
go outside.
Drink water
talk to friends
take a shower
go outside.

Ask for help.

Rinse and repeat as many times as you need.

The trick to getting up off that bathroom floor
is getting up before you are really ready.
Showing up for your life
before you are really ready.

This type of showing up might look like baby steps at first.

Go to the library.
Go to the farmer’s market.
Sweat.
Serve others.
Play.
library
farmer’s market
sweat
serve others
play

Ask for help.

Rinse and repeat.
Rinse and repeat.

Know that these small acts are not wasted. Spending time wandering a library or bookstore is strengthening your soul. Laying in the grass, letting the sun caress your skin is bringing you back to life. You are becoming stronger everyday.

And then one day, by showing up through baby steps, by strengthening your belief in yourself, that small, weak voice of intuition will have become quite strong. Through showing up when we are not ready, our perfectionist tendencies lessen. We are ready for bolder action. By letting go of making the perfect choice, we have the strength to make a choice…a choice that propels us forward, off of the bathroom floor, and into life.

**********************

*If you are on the bathroom floor and need help getting up, ask for help. Friends, family, or a hotline. Do not go through this alone. 24/7/365 Crisis Call Center: (775) 784 – 8090.

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14 thoughts on “the bathroom floor

  1. allthethings3

    Awesome post. We’ve all been there. Have you by chance read Eat Pray Love? Liz Gilbert shares a bathroom floor moment. I’m going to post the link to this on my blog tomorrow, my #SundayBlogShare post.

    Like

  2. Carrie

    Bathroom floor, under the sink, knees drawn up to chin and towel stuff in my mouth to keep my children from hearing the anguish. Visited there many times that first year until I was strong enough to walk outside again. Well never go back. Hard lesson, well learned.

    Like

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